If This Isn't From a Book, It Should Be
-
Tenets of Music Hipsterism
Feel free to add your own!
1. If you don’t like an artist or a genre, their songs “all sound the same”.
2. A song about a subversive novel is the highest form of plagiarism.
3. In order to keep faculties sharp, each hipster shall claim that only one Beatles album actually MATTERS.
4. Each hipster is allowed to appreciate only one band who still regularly performs in arenas. In most cases, that band is Rush. -
Let’s Play Two Truths and a Lie
1. My favorite movie might be ‘The Band Wagon’ with Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse.
2. My favorite movie might be ‘Bringing Up Baby’ with Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn
3. My favorite movie might be ‘Jingle All the Way’
1. I like bridge
2. I like cribbage
3. I like gin rummy
1. The second statement is true
2. The third statement is false
3. There is not enough information to determine which statement is the lie
1. I want you
2. I need you
3. But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you -
-
What I’ve Done for the Last Fifteen Minutes
- Find that, at some point since my last tumblr visit, someone has reblogged my post.
- Go to the reblogger’s tumblog to search for my post and see what else the reblogger posts.
- Find my post was reblogged only 2 hours ago but is still a whole 9 pages in.
- Roughly calculate that, if reblogger reblogs at the same rate she reblogged the previous 500 posts, she will post 7.46 posts per minute, and in 24 hours, my post will go from page 9 to page 116.
- Wonder what some people are doing with their lives.
- Realize that I have mathematically analyzed what some people are doing with their lives.
- Wonder what I’m doing with my life.
-
UnknownUnknown16PlaysSpace Jam came out at that perfect age when I was into both basketball and the Looney Tunes. One of those obsessions stayed. The other not so much.
Anyhow, the Space Jam soundtrack was a part of my childhood. Back then, “Hit ‘Em Up (The Monstars’ Anthem)” was my favorite of the fourteen songs. Today, it’s the only song from the soundtrack I can still bear listening to.
B-Real from Cypress Hill, Coolio, Method Man, LL Cool J, and Busta Rhymes (in that order) take to the mic with basketball, cartoon, and outer space-style slamming. B-Real has a devilish menace, Coolio a smooth prophesy of doom. LL Cool J is in his Knock You Out element. And Busta Busta Busta. You know perfectly well he’s blowing the others clear out of the water. This is the Extended single version with the full Busta Rhymes verse, and it’s a thing of demented beauty. Even when it’s the hook leading in and leading out from his moment, Busta refuses to stay contained. The only weak link in this song is Method Man who sounds bored as he takes the lion’s share of the awkward basketball lingo and the name of the movie’s baddie Swackhammer. But as Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman would surely endorse, four out of five ain’t bad.
-
YAYAYAAAAAAAAAYAAAAYAAAAAAA
WOO-HAH!!
Busta Rhymes in madman mode is the good stuff. The puffy jackets, the crazy hair, the wacky singing, and that weird walk he does at the start of the second chorus. Not to mention the way the lens makes his finger look like an aye aye claw.
-
THE TROUBLE WITH TYPEWRITERS
is the time it takes before it becomes second nature,
stops being an alien, outdated relic,
becomes just another writing tool.
Before that day,
your clickety-clacking,
your instant word-pressing,
your typing
is not really writing;
you’re only showing off
that you’re typing on a typewriter.
You’re like your parents
texting for the first time—
“GUESS WHAT? MY PHONE’S SENDING A MESSAGE FROM A TRAIN!” -
-
“Jesus Stoops Down and Writes in the Sand (John 8:3-8)”
When Jesus took his holy message
up the Mount of Olives,
and the Pharisees came to him
with a red-handed adulteress,
before he told the gathered throng
that he without sin cast the first stone,
what did he stoop down to write in the sand?
Perhaps he really was defiantly doodling,
choosing to do anything
except fall into a bald-faced trap.
Or the savior might have written a dusty note
of where he was within his sermon
when he was so crassly interrupted.
What if the holy cowboy drew a simple line,
preparing to dare anyone
to step across to condemn the woman?
Wouldn’t it blow your mind
if it turned out his hand time-traveled
back to the days of Daniel, Chapter 5,
to etch the writing on Belshazzar’s wall?
Of course, what he didn’t write
was “PHARISEES R DICKS”
or “STONING’S FOR STONERS”,
and he certainly didn’t set up a shop:
“ROCKS FOR SALE—NEGOTIABLE PRICES!”
But is it any more believable
that Jesus Christ might scratch into the dirt
“GOD HATES CHEATING WHORES”
or “BURN IN HELLFIRE SLUT”?
And yet some might believe it
to see this sandwich-boarded man
shouting of evils and judgements,
pointing fingers at a gathered circus crowd.
Likes
-
“I am willing to care for him all the same. As he knows me like no other has ever known me, and...
